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Bargaining/ Depression

You didn’t want to talk to me, so I’m writing all this down
I wonder if you feel it’s easy not having me around
In your arms, I was happy, with the deepest love I found
Without you I’m so empty, in all my sorrows I could drown
We fell in love so quickly, almost faster than the speed of sound
I was so glad that you picked me out of everyone else in town

To you it seemed I was waiting for something. As usual, you’re right.
I know eventually we’d move on. In the end it would be alright.
But I was eagerly hoping you wouldn’t go down without a fight.
You always said relationships take work. They’re not just fun and light.
But I could tell you wanted me to leave. To disappear from your sight.
And all I can think now is how much I long for you to hold me tight.

I want you to understand I’m not asking you to change
But merely to broaden your reactional range
I know it’s hard. I know it may feel a little strange.
But I’d give you my whole heart in exchange.
I just want a little respect, not to be shortchanged
To be heard out, listened to, and not be estranged.

So whenever you’re ready to swallow your pride,
When you’re finally willing to face the feelings inside,
When you’re sick of running away to go hide,
Feel the desperate screaming ache of every tear I cried,
Remember I love you and I want to be by your side.
And even if you choose not to, I’ll know I tried.

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Your Future

Going through old photographs
Your girls pulled out of the stairway shelf
Saw you as a kid; I had to laugh
Until I saw you with someone else
I wanted to write her epitaph
Then I stopped, thought to myself

I want to be your future
I want to be with you forever
I’ve never once been this sure
You’re so funny, sweet, and clever
But when I see you with her
I get so jealous and I never
Want to think of how you once were
Maybe I’ll send her nasty letters
Curse her with bullets and gunfire
And dark stormy weather

Then my skies brighten to clear blue
When I think of all the love you’ve shown
I have the best version of you
The man she wishes she’d have known
Thanks to all you’ve been through
All the times you’ve changed and grown
She was a part of the winding avenue
That brought us together, brought us home

The laughing faces of my memory
Mean I have baggage as well
Didn’t mean to put your trust in jeopardy
didn’t mean to put you through hell
It took time and work to set me free
Now finally, your magic broke their spell
I had to feel your heartache and let it be
To cut all ties and move on myself

Because I want to be your future
I want to be with you forever
I’ve never once been this sure
All the pain they caused is severed
Now when I see you with her
I’m not jealous whatsoever
I know what we once were
But baby now we’re so much better
You got me flying higher
Feeling lighter than a feather

I want my heart to heal and never break
I just want to make our love last
It’s not just love for love’s sake
Our feelings are true and unsurpassed
We can’t undo our choices or mistakes
You know we can’t change our pasts

But I want to be your future
I want to be with you forever
I’ve never once been this sure
All the pain they caused is severed
Now when I see you with her
I’m not jealous whatsoever
I know what we once were
But baby now we’re so much better
You got me flying higher
Feeling lighter than a feather

You know we can’t change our pasts,
But I want to be your future Oohhh I want to be your future. Your Future.

Brown Eyes

I didn’t owe him any solace or closure.
Impulses caused my decisions to blur.
All I owed was to follow through on my word.
Upon reflection, it seems quite absurd.

It was a simple request. Move on. Let it go.
But I failed your test, and I have nothing to show.
I was holding tightly to a dandelion in the wind.
After a second of contentment, all I had was a stem.

Talking to him wasn’t worth your icy stare.
Leaving me would have been more than fair.
I betrayed your trust, disrespected your feelings.
I went over your head and fell through the ceiling.

Your reaction proved to me how much you adore me.
All I can hope is that I don’t make you someday deplore me.
I should have listened because you’re never wrong.
All I can hope is that we keep moving along.

I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you.
God forbid I ever again make those brown eyes blue.

Mine Beats

Seen good and bad in past relationships
Times of frustration, and times of bliss
Nothing on Earth gives me happiness
Like the smile shining on your lips

When you’re upset, I feel your pain
When it storms inside, I feel the rain
Your love for me can’t be contained
My love for you can’t be feigned
Through your eyes, I can see
Through your heart, mine beats

I’ve never been treated this way before
I guess this is what it means to be adored
I can’t wait to see what the future has in store
I don’t have to feel cold and alone anymore

When you’re upset, I feel your pain
When it storms inside, I feel the rain
Your love for me can’t be contained
My love for you can’t be feigned
Through your eyes, I can see
Through your heart, mine beats

I get goosebumps just holding your hand
When I’m with you, I finally understand
How to grow, to endure, to withstand
To make the most of life, the unplanned

When you’re upset, I feel your pain
When it storms inside, I feel the rain
Your love for me can’t be contained
My love for you can’t be feigned
Through your eyes, I can see
Through your heart, mine beats

A conflict/fear

Lately, I’ve found it difficult to find poems or words to write
Because for the most part, everything has turned out right
I have an adorable new family and a place to rest at night
A man who loves me tremendously and we rarely have to fight
But stress and anxiety comes from forcing myself to be polite
To a woman who he would rather just keep out of his sight
Her smile shines so innocently: sweet, happy, and bright
But under the fake kindness, a fire is waiting- eager to ignite.

Who has the power to cause such pain but the ex-wife?
She’s like a runaway train who won’t listen to advice.
I’ve been going nearly insane watching all the strife.
I wish to abstain, but nonchalance simply won’t suffice.
Wracking my brain trying to adjust to this way of life.
Knowing to complain and show anger would only entice.
Entering jungle terrain with nothing but a butter knife.
Down a dark road in the rain, every step meticulously precise.

She’s impetuous. She’s impulsive. She’s indecisive.
She flits around from topic to topic running wild and free.
She’s disgustingly disdainful and despisingly derisive
She depends on others and doesn’t handle responsibility
She thinks of what she can take and not what she can give
She reigns life like it’s a kingdom and she’s the queen bee
She’s dramatic, nosy, talkative, excited, tragic, and combative
The worst part of all that I hate to admit is, she reminds me of me

The horrible parts of myself that I wish to lock away
And of becoming more like her, I am ever more afraid

Lack of Motivation/ My Own Mess

All these numbers seem crowded in my phone
I dial them and find temporary distractions
Without a single one of them to call my own
Avoiding the consequences of my actions

Sex feels absolutely wonderful, but it has no meaning
Dates are entertaining and take up the vacancy of time
I want to smell the flowers, hear the birds sweetly singing
To finally find a steady rhythm, a melody for my rhyme

This isn’t a fairytale. There is no hero to rescue me.
I have to stop acting like some clueless damsel in distress
It’s time to solve my own problems, find my victory
To take charge of my life and clean up my own mess

But it’s not easy. I struggle every day to get by.
My negative thoughts provoke deep sadness.
I’m often bored and rarely ever satisfied.
Unmotivated to try, I surrender to madness.

I go through the devastatingly redundant cycle.
Up. Down. High. Low. Mania. Depression.
Doing the bare minimum to ensure my survival.
Failing over and over without learning my lesson.

When will I ever change, if I ever will?
Is this just something I have to accept?
I can’t make the spinning stand still.
And to make the difference, I feel inept.

What is there left to believe in?
I used to write of love, hope, and faith.
Now I can’t carry the weight of my sins.
Now I seek desperately to escape.

I can’t fix my heart as it’s breaking.
Simple stitches cannot mend my soul
I can’t rush the time that it’s taking.
I can’t make myself completely whole.

I am growing weary of my choices
I am tired of the same mistakes
I can hear the stern voices
Telling me to do what it takes

But the change has to come from within me.
And I’m still waiting to start the beginning.

Frustrated

I hate this!
Open relationship
I long for your kiss
But all I taste are his lips

I miss you
I want to be in your arms
I’m so confused
Entranced by his charms

All I can presently think about
Is watching our shows with you
Cuddling comfortably without
The discomfort we never knew

The visions I can’t get off my mind
Seeing your bright cheesy smile
The sweet feeling of your hand in mine
Crying on your shoulder for a while

If I could I would rewind, go back
And give myself a stern warning
Save myself from the panic attacks
The emptiness I feel this morning

I want to be with the one I love
I can’t believe I ever desired another
Hopefully in time we can rise above
Before this nightmare goes on further

I thought I needed sex
But it doesn’t satisfy me
What I need is my ex
To know you’re my destiny

Maybe if I pass your test
It’ll all end in ecstasy
I’ll again lay on your chest
In an atmosphere so heavenly

I would do anything for love

Listening to break-up songs gives me no relief
They were cheated on and mistreated and lied to
With what they say, I could just not relate or agree
All the words that you said were honest and true
I want so badly to trap you and never set you free
But I want your happiness, whatever’s best for you

I know that loving me is tiring and exhausting
I know I’m clingy, needy, moody, and jealous
You used to think I was sweeter than frosting
I guess you realized no one is that precious
Always concerned with how much it’s costing,
You never could balance the spreadsheet on us

I know that it’s not exactly the end, but just a change
And you’re reasonable as usual, logical, full of sense
Not even knowing who they are, makes it more strange
Every time I think about you with them, I get so tense
I worry that your feelings will somehow be estranged
I couldn’t climb nearly high enough to pass your fence

I want to show you that I can be the one you need
I’m going to do everything in my power to improve
If I set my mind and focus, I am sure I can succeed
Concentrating on work and school is my first move
Right now, I’m wounded. I can do nothing but bleed
But soon, I’ll grow up, finally listening to your reprove

Missing You

I just don’t quite understand
If you love me, why do you need space?
I want to kiss your lips, hold your hand,
See the sincerity of passion in your gaze
But now, I want to bury my head in the sand
Because seeing you makes me feel so out of place
When did loving me become a tedious errand?
When did you decide to run from the chase?
This isn’t exactly what I had planned
Unravelling your affections like a shoelace
I was living on a cloud somewhere in fairyland
A stark contrast to the afflictions of the human race
I used to long desperately for a wedding band
Now I only long hopelessly for your embrace
If only I had the power and assertiveness to demand
Rescind your immersed indentation, all emotions erased
I must rid myself of forbidden thoughts, cherished contraband
Reclaim my heart which you tagged and defaced
This is more pain than my unstable soul can withstand
Dissatisfiedly settling for the aching memory of your face

Archaic Thinking

“He’s a murderer; she’s a thief; he’s a liar.
There’s not a shred of proof or evidence,
But you simply can’t trust their kind.

They came here and spread like wildfire.
They have little intelligence,
They are violent and criminally inclined.

All they want and desire
Is to grow in prevalence,
until all races are intertwined.

And all we want is a purifier,
To maintain our spotless separateness,
To keep the blood lines clean and uncombined.”

If I could, I would scream into an amplifier,
“Stop this venomous malevolence,
this ignorant endemic of the mind.”

I would be a peace-maker, a pacifier,
“Your archaic thinking is incredulous.
Antiquated, outdated, and from an era left behind.

After centuries of hate have transpired,
You spit out nothing but ancient reckless petulance.
Your malignant prejudice deeply enshrined.”

We must aim for a purpose significantly higher.
To appreciate our diversity, specialness, and uniqueness
Racism radically denied, unity of humanity redefined.

Archaic- Daily Post